Saturday, November 14, 2009


Jangan menangis sayang
aku bukannya apa
tadi dah cakap kan sayang
sayang taknak percaya
sayang seorang
bagai cahaya
siang dan malam
sumpah ku kan setia

sampai disini kawan
kita berjumpa nanti
mereka kata kawan
datang dan pergi
mungkin satu hari
kita bertemu muka
jangan segan nak tegur
mungkin aku belanja

maafkan saya abah
saya keras kepala
saya jenis yang susah
nak dengar kata
saya ingat selalu
kata abah dahulu
jangan bertindak melulu

janganlah sedih mama
saya pergi tak lama
doakan saya mama
sampai berjaya
kalau tiada
khabar berita
maksudnya saya
sihat-sihat sahaja

Klik untuk lagu

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

(Nothing of Interest)

What should I do,
to make you smile?
I am no fun as a stupid clown,
Should I take you out to town?

How do I say it?
Just put a nice smile,
on that lovely face of yours,
You will feel all better because,

You're stronger than what you know,
It's stupid I know, what they'll say,
It's today or tomorrow,
There will surely come your day.

Don't be all sad,
There's nothing you want to regret,
Oh yes I know,
Maybe I don't even know,

How you feel right now,
Or maybe I just somehow,
Talk way too much,
It's because, you're a nonesuch,

You're stronger than what you know,
You'll get over it, or so they say,
Don't be surrounded by the sorrow,
Because when you do that, the sky turns grey.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Whistle For The Choir Parody.

This is the original song by The Fratellis.

I wrote this parody version just for fun. Here it goes.

Yes It's You...r Sister.

Well it's a big big city with all that big structures,
Oh she's too pretty, talking 'bout your sister,
Is it out of line if I were simply bold to ask a pic of her?

And when she put that smile I know I'm not all right,
And I just can't feel the beat of my heart,
It was 3 o'clock, the time, when she was on your skype that night.

And I wish it's not true, that you want a BMW,
Oh you're a silly girl, you know I'm hurt, I just don't think
that I can buy all three,
She knows me, she doesn't even know me,
And I don't lie, yes I, she caught my eye,
A girl like her is just irresistible

Well it's a small small city in which you live in,
I know my friend tried to burn her kitchen,
And I must confess, my hearts are broken pieces,
When her head's a mess,
And it's 4 in the morning, when I'm changing the lyrics,
It's not quite easy but I have the spirit,
And it's you, woo hoo,
That's got me going crazy for the BMW.

And it's really cruel, why'd you ask for BMW?
Oh you're a silly girl, you know I'm hurt, I just don't think
that I can buy all three,
She knows me, you don't want her to meet me,
And I don't lie, yes I, she caught my eye
But her sister is unbelievable.

But you're so demanding, to ask such expensive gifting,
Oh my sister to be, oh me, when you, demand,
I die, you smile, you ask, I cry,
And only, if I have that much money,
Then I don't care, I will buy you BMW,
Even a rocket's still affordable.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

This One Isn't Called MySpace.

Bukan pasal lagu 'MySpace' Pia Zahari.

Tapi bunyi dari rumah.

Aku suka lagu "Aku mahu tidur". Sempoi.

*Masa aku sekolah rendah dulu budak-budak selalu ejek nama datuk orang. Aku pun ikut sekali. Aku ingat nama datuk budak perempuan kelas aku; Pachik Irisamy Philhawara. Sekali dengan nama moyang dia. Tapi aku lupa nama budak perempuan tu.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Alien On The Earth #4 ( Summer and Winter )

Last winter, I didn't take a bath. Not "not at all", but it's like once per two or three days. I didn't have serious problem regarding bad body odour, that the thing is, I smell rather good (self proclaimed), even if I don't take a bath, in winter (have to emphasize on winter because this-not-bathing season only goes well with that season).

There's a saying in Malay, that goes, "Malang tidak berbau".

Summer begins and because it can be quite hot sometimes, I now bathe myself 2-3 times a day, except for weekends, that I love lazing around doing nothing, and shower 2-3 times a day, is way too much for me as I always sit on my sofa with my new ventilator on, and I have never been sweating too much for quite a long period (I have no activity partners here, it's not that I'm a geek. Ulm sucks). Last time I was poured off with sweat was when I played paintball, in early May.

I can be rather unfortunate sometimes.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Eight Pounds! Say Whaa?

Ben now has grown big.

I traveled to London last month. So to start off we (there were 7-8 other friends) arrived at Stansted Airport in the evening. Stansted is not really in the middle of London that it take almost an hour if I'm not mistaken, to reach the city center. We decided to rent a house just for the stay in London because it was cheaper that way. We found one in West Ham on the Internet. The owner of the house said that if we wanted to rent, we just had to be there before 9pm or so on the day of our arrival. It was getting late, and since this was our first trip on our own, we had no clue. We tried asking for information, from the tourist center and from anyone we can find.

Well it was London we're talking about. Being here is like a sweet spring escape due to the fact that we will not be using German for like a week or two. To make short story even shorter we really had problem with communication ever since we tried to settle down in Germany.

"Why the fish the Germans didn't use English at the first place?" I know most of us must have once thought like that.



I'm actually pausing just now. But with picture.

There was this situation, I asked the man at the counter about the price we must pay for the bus ride, he replied, kinda sound like this, "aigh pounds."

What he just said, the sound wasn't very familiar to my ear. Was that English? Nothing near what we usually heard. It was with accent.

Later I learned it was eight pounds.

** I may look like I'm super good at maths with all that symbols I used, but frankly, that's all I know!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Because I'm Not A Good Son. (Part 2 - Sleeping Beauty)

I remembered my old friend from my class when I was in boarding school, Hafiz whose brain so smart he could memorize everything inside the chemistry text book, all that little details; important or not, including that "do you know that?" part at every page. He slept every time there was a chance. Like when there was a ten minute gap between the block, he will sleep. I wonder what's he doing right now. Sleeping I suppose.

Oh and there was Hakim, that guy was levels higher he slept after class ended, I mean at 2pm, and woke up the next day morning and went to school again.

Do you know that lately I've been sleeping all day and waking up all night?

(Silence, no slight response of shock, like it is nothing new.)

Go on reddude (not redtube). Ask anything.

Question 1- What is your bedtime?
My regular sleep pattern starts at 7 or 8 am and ends at 1 or 2 pm. ("Really...?") Okay, I bluff. I wake up at 3 or 4 pm. At first I kinda thought I was nocturnal, but I notice that even if I sleep early the night before, I end up sleeping in the afternoon.

Question 2- Since when do you...err...what should I say
Oh. I know what you mean. I remembered when I was a child, mama used to train me and other siblings to have an afternoon nap. A rebellious kid I was (and I am), I opposed that idea. She said it was good for health. I stopped just there, no intention of debating (despite that rebellious fact I was actually afraid). But at first I pretended to sleep. Not always did I pretend because if I got caught she will boil up and began attacking me, which I mean, verbally, or babbling (don't underestimate her fighting skill). Later on I figured out myself using my mind of judging things that the actual reason she wanted us to sleep was because we were so annoying that she couldn't concentrate doing her work.
("('-.-) but...that's not what I wanna ask...")

Question 3- Did someone want you to change?
Err...not sure but I know mama does. There was a time when I was in high school, mama was really pissed at my sister and I because we slept a lot during every afternoon. She did expect us to clean up the mess in the house or to help her out in the kitchen but we were sound asleep, in front of the t.v. If she was in mtv show "boiling up", she will not get that 100bucks because she had used her combat ability, and she told us we will be useless if we kept on like this. I took that advice seriously, but not until sister whispered to me, "Bla bla bla. It's her fault anyway." I'm kinda guy that lose concentration and forget my motivation so easily.

Question 4- Any last word?
If there's another reason I enjoy waking up at night, I'll say it's because it always rains at night, at that smell of the rain somehow reminds me of home. I love that kind of moment.
("What's with that proud face! He thinks he just said the coolest thing??")

Last thing I remembered about that late night show was chairs, were flying, in a same direction. Never once knew about flying chair before.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Decision For Dummy Danny.

What if I were given only one chance to change everything, will I be considered as running away from what you have so far? Will I be the thankless?

Only one chance.

You don't know what will happen next, if you stay. But what about the alternative path? We don't know either.

Oh, I hate it for not trying. But I seriously don't like changes.

I maybe play dead. Sit around and watch everything works as it is. I maybe feel awful at first but it'll get better soon.

And oh, the poem 'the road not taken' never had brought so much meaning before.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Thousand Excuses.

I used to give up with friendship.

They pretended to be just nice before our eyes and they acted the other way round behind us.

I thought the world would be better on my own, when no trust you gave no pain you received.

But later on, I found everywhere there was hatred, and doubt. It was not because of the people, it was because the barrier I placed inside. It was terrible. I forgot how to love, and be loved. I forgot how to talk, and please others. Show respect and you'll get the same.

I forgot how to open the heart.

I notice not everyone is the same. Some are loveable, and some are just like the previous me. We people live among each other. I try to blend inside. There's so much I've done. But no you better not think you can always apply the reverse gear when you drive falsely. Such thing isn't feasible. You'll find out the best you can do is to slow down.

What you want to do you have to be ready for the consequences. There's action. And there's reaction. It's physics.

That's why we learn history.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Because I'm Not A Good Son. (Part 1)

Sigh..I've been told that mom expects to read updates in my blog more often. Tell her about what's going on, what am I doing, which are not my stuff. I think she has misunderstood me for having a web log. Plus, I'm not expecting her as one of the readers. Sorry though, for not calling home for quite some time. I'm having problem with this laptop. Tell her, should she wait some more, I'll make it worth the wait. So mom, here's your update.

Because I slept at eleven and woke up at 6 the next morning for when I had just arrived in Germany, my friend asked, "why don't you have jet lag like the others?" Oh, do I? Yeah, that sounds like it.

At first I kind of agreed.

I thought my bad habit I had in Malaysia (sleep at day, wake up for the whole night) was long gone, maybe because my motivation was stronger.

Until recently I was believing it that my motivation level was higher.

Now I'm back with my old habit. It comes clear that I do have jet lag before. Bad huh? Yea I can hear you babble now, but you can be happy that I haven't change so much.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Sharing Is Caring? Think Again.

For some reasons, for me, friends and mates bring a lot of differences in meaning. I write about this later, for now I'm referring everyone I know as friends.

I used to live in different places, meet different kind of people with different mentality, and be far away from home for quite a time. I was brought up that way, by the environment, and by my own thought of judging things.

I met a lot of friends too, from schools, college, everywhere.

There's a situation which I'm pretty sure it's not just me who have experienced it before.

I met up with my ex-school mate X that brought another friend Y, whom X knew from his course, along, to watch movie together. I had never met Y before, so it was my first time. We talked but then X and Y laughed over something they used to talk in class, which I didn't find it funny, or even understandable. It popped in mind, "W.T.F. (optional)?Am I missing something here? They're better not making fun of me." Then I faked a smile, looked stupid though.

I call it, whatever it was they talked about, jargon, when one doesn't understand the terms the other groups use, and yes the terms can sometimes be in your own language. And you don't have to be a professional to make one.

No matter what the jargon is I don't bother to understand. They have something they share (sounds gay huh?).

It will turn out just the same for Y, if A and me laughed over our high school friend Z.

Err.. fuck it, it's too complicated to be explained. X and I might have our lame jokes together back then in high school, and as Y wasn't in our group, Y will not understand the jokes. As for college friend X and Y, I am now excluded from their group. Together, we have to form another group, other than that "high school group" or "college group", maybe something like "movie group". So when we discuss about the movie we watch, X, Y, and I will all resonance to one another.

I prefer what happen in one group to stay in that group. It's something that you and that particular group share.

You don't go out and discuss about how good is your sex with your wife, or how bad it is. You don't offer them, "Here, try my wife, then you'll understand how our marriage life is like."

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Small Town, Big Town.

You may be living in a small town. There may be no club or cinema.
You may be cursing when you have to travel far to another big town just to find several shops that sell something which is not available in your place.
You may be saying then your place is boring.

There are others, they may be living in the big town.
They may be bragging about their place: interesting, whatever.

For me, a place is not yet considered boring, unless the people around you are.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Ayat Wajib.

Flip dengan jayanya telah menghuraikan ayat-ayat wajib yang biasa digunakan. Tapi setelah 2 minggu aku bergaul dengan orang-orang disini percakapan aku sedikit sebanyak telah berubah, kerana dialog 'Ich kann nur ein bisschen Deutsch sprechen.(Saya boleh hanya sikit-sikit german bercakap.)' tidak sesuai diulang tiap-tiap kali bercakap dengan orang yang sama. Aku akan sambung sedikit, mengikut pengalaman aku, untuk dibuat panduan rakan-rakan. Memang boleh digunakan banyak kali, setiap masa. Ada beberapa situasi yang aku dapat fikir, antaranya;

Situasi 1: Selalunya tulisan pensyarah-pensyarah di german ni memang buruk, sumpah buruk, bersambung-sambung, macam, erk... macam sial. Aku ingat aku seorang sahaja yang tak dapat baca dengan lancar, tapi german-german semuanya mengerutkan dahi juga, maka tulisan pensyarah itu memanglah buruk, macam, erk... macam sial. Serius. Tapi dengan masa yang lebih pantas (daripada aku, pastilah) german-german akan lebih cepat memahami apa yang ditulis dengan buruk itu. Lantas aku akan tanya orang sebelah (sempurna, hanya dia duduk di sebelah aku.)

'Was hat er/sie geschrieben? Was ist die Bedeutung des Wortes? Es ist problematisch, wenn ich so viele neue Worte kennen muss.' (Apa telah dia[lelaki]/dia[perempuan] tulis? Apa maksud perkataan itu? Memang masalah, bila saya banyak perkataan baru tahu mesti.)

Lepas kelas bolehlah dibuat isi untuk berdialog dengan orang german, kutuk-kutuk pensyarah itu hanya kerana tulisannya buruk. Apalah dosa mereka.

Situasi 2: German-german kadang-kadang lupa bahawa kau seorang yang masih tidak fasih berkomunikasi dalam bahasa mereka, jadi mereka bercakap dengan laju. Aku akan guna ayat yang sudah dihafal dari semester satu di Intec lagi.

'Wie?' (Pardon?)

Tak faham lagi. Guna ayat ni pulak.

'Wie bitte?' (Pardon, please.)

Tak faham lagi. Ayat ini ada. Tapi bukan ayat semester satu di Intec.

'Ich kann, was hast du gerade gesagt, nicht gut hören, weil du sehr schnell/undeutlich sprichst.' ( Saya boleh, apa telah kamu sebentar tadi cakap, tidak dengan bagus dengar, kerana kamu sangat laju/tidak jelas bercakap.)

Tak perlu guna ayat-ayat kias macam kat Malaysia, cakap sahaja tak faham. Tak perlu juga mengelakkan komunikasi itu dengan mengangkat telefon bimbit, lalu berpura-pura bercakap seperti ada orang di talian, atau dengan mengatakan kau perlu ke tandas dengan segera, kerana ada hal yang mustahak.

Situasi 3: Kaum lelaki paling senang nak berkawan, sebab mereka lelaki, dan bukan hanya kerana mereka bersosej, mereka juga mempunyai satu benda yang sama, sebab mereka lelaki, iaitu perangai, yang mereka kongsi bersama. Salah satu perangai yang itu adalah mata yang liar. Jadi tidak susah untuk memulakan bicara. Aku bagi contoh, kalau dekat cafe, duduklah dengan mat saleh. Orang perempuan yang berbaju singkat mesti akan membolehnampakkan apa mereka pakai didalam seluar kerana seluar itu pasti akan jatuh sedikit, sama ada jenis nenek, tali-G, tidak pakai, dan berbagai lagi jenis-jenis, yang aku taktahu namanya. Kalau nampak je pemandangan tersebut tegurlah orang sebelah kau kalau dia lelaki.

'Hey, gück den Mädchen dort mal." ( Hey, tengok perempuan tu sekali.)

Lepas tu pasti akan ada hilai tawa, dan orang lelaki yang kau tegur tadi akan mula suka kau untuk dibuat berkawan, hanya kerana kita lelaki yang bersosej, yang mempunyai perangai yang lebih kurang. Senang bukan? Tapi tengok oranglah jugak kalau nak tegur.

Friday, March 13, 2009



Go to your photos folder in your computer. Go to the 6th folder of photos. Go to the 6th picture in that folder. Put the picture on your blog and a description of it. Invite six friends to join the challenge. Link them in your blog and let them know they have been challenged!

location: my computer\D:\das Bild\rubbs\A.i.R.JPG

Long ago I'd came out with this idea. It's the same as After School Rock. You could imagine what can happen if this event were to be successful. Well it just a dream after all.

Tagged by Kay. Tag Fadoodlez (penggunaan z dibelakang ayat, untuk nampak lebih cool walaupun sebenarnya tidak sama sekali. Maaf, tapi kau memang tak cool. haha), Gelumang, Flip, Sarah, Azwa, Alleya. Feel free to do it, but please be honest and true.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Endless List.

It's not written, it just happened. And it happened for a reason.

It will haunt you and chase you, but don't look back, don't stop. Or else you'll never get far from it.

It's maybe not what you have dreamed so far but everything changes. Look up to yourself. One is never good enough. One maybe lacks of something here but has advantages of something there. But the people around you will think and talk of something else. Something you isn't please yourself, even you are at the moment at your best performance or not. They will not just stop talking. And you will not just stop thinking. Think of something you are definitely not.

People will compare. That's how they do it since ages ago.

I dare you to stand up just again, and motivate yourself, just like you have always been. Stand up for the challenges, look forward for the new. Just don't grieve and don't regret.

What affects you will affect me too. You are a completed better version of me. Well at least I believe. And so must you. You have to, boy.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Alien On The Earth. #3

Masa aku bersekolah di Jasin dulu, tempat tu tak lah maju gila. Kalau nak jumpa 7E pun kena jalan kaki dalam 30 minit, baru sampai ke pekan. Tapi kena awas, kadang-kadang mungkin terserempak dengan polis peronda di sekitar pekan, aktiviti merayau-rayau pada malam hari mungkin boleh mengundang syak wasangka. Aku dulu pernah dikejar polis sampai nak tercirit takut masuk lokap, kemudiannya ditangkap tapi diserahkan kepada ketua warden, dan esoknya kena rotan sampai aku melepak di bilik sakit dalam keadaan meniarap kerana terlalu perit yang amat.

Kerana merasakan perjalanan yang jauh ke 7E tu tidaklah berbaloi titik peluh, ada satu kedai pakcik tua di Simpang Kerayong dekat dengan masjid, yang juga kami panggil 7E, sebab kau memang boleh lawat kedai tu walaupun pukul 4 pagi sekalipun. Ketuk saja pintu kayu kedai tu, pakcik tua tu akan bangun dari tempat tidur dan melayan kerenah pelanggan dengan sabar. Itulah Malaysia, yang mana orang kata orang melayu ni pemalas dan tak suka bekerja kuat.

Tempat aku tinggal sekarang ni, tak ada kedai macam 7E atau kedai-kedai yang dibuka 24 jam. Bukan apa, kadang-kadang ada sesetengah spesis manusia ni perlu udara lebih dari sekadar oksigen, untuk mengekalkan daya fungsi otak dengan efisyen. Ada mesin yang menjual barang-barang secara automatik atau senang cerita, vending machines, seperti mesin jual kopi, topup, coklat, kondom, dan rokok. Kecuali kondom dan rokok aku tiada masalah dengan mesin itu, tapi lewat malam semalam aku cuba beli rokok dari mesin. Rasa macam senang je tapi ada arahan kau kena patuhi, ouh, dalam bahasa asing, aku dah siap bawak kamus dan ikut satu-satu arahan tapi tak keluar juga. Rasa nak sepak jugak mesin tu macam mesin-mesin air atau telefon awam diperlakukan dengan rakusnya di Malaysia.

Aku terfikir jugak, kenapalah tak ada orang nak buka kedai 24 jam kat sini, adakah kerana mereka lebih malas, atau mereka lebih bergantung kepada mesin, atau mereka lebih mengutamakan waktu tidur mereka? Import saja Mat-mat Indonesia atau Bangladesh suruh mereka jaga kaunter, kau bangsa yang maju ni bolehlah goyang kaki. Mungkin lebih senang.

Tapi ada satu insiden, kawan aku tanya mana nak beli topup, sebab dia datang dari tempat lain, tak tau bagaimana keadaannya di tempat aku. Aku sarankan beli saja dari mesin automatik, kerena mungkin dapat elakkan komunikasi dalam bahasa yang aku sendiri tergagap-gagap dan perlu 10 minit untuk menyusun ayat yang betul dari segi tatabahasanya. Kawan aku masukkan not 20 euro untuk harga topup 15 euro, tapi kemudiannya mesin tu hanya tahu pulangkan 3 euro sebagai baki. Kawan aku cakap, "tak apalah, 2 euro tu mungkin harga mengelakkan komunikasi dengan mat saleh." Sinis sekali maksudnya itu.

Kalau aku fikir dari sudut yang lain, mungkin dengan cara ini mereka dapat buatkan aku dapat hidup dengan lebih lama, mungkin lebih 2 atau 3 hari. Bagus juga.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

When The Sun Goes Down.

They say it changes when the sun goes down.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Eau de Toilette. Part 2

I have found this in the toilet in a building where most of my class are being held.

I think this is the result after Islam is connected to terrorism a while ago here in Europe. But what i notice since i come hear is that there are a lot of Muslims, most of them are Turks, and the women are free to practice their believe.

  1. Intoleranz = Intolerance
  2. Sklaverei = Slavery
  3. Leid = Harm
  4. Angst = Fear
  5. Mord = Murder
That is not the truth of Islam, not what Islam is all about. I am not a good Muslim though, but I know that Islam doesn't urge people to use violence to solve any problem. Any other religion will do just the same.

There is "War on Terror" too, which is defined in Wikipedia as "the common terms for the military, political, legal and ideological conflict against Islamic terrorism and Muslim militants, and specifically used in reference to operations by the United States, since the September 11, 2001 attacks". And now we witness the war by the Israeli and the Palestinian, and apparently Israel is stronger, with the bigger military might and continuous support from the United States. They use the reason "War on Terror" to violate and ignore the world protest against them, as they claim that Palestine, or Hamas to be exact, is bringing them harm with the rockets the Hamas has.

I once read in Tun Mahathir's blog, he said, "the people who are terrified aren't terrorist, but who terrifies them are", or so I believe. I am eager to write more about this theme but I'm afraid I will just waffle without knowledge. But as to you, you have the right to judge who is on the right side, only if you make use the brain the God has given to you.

Peace be upon you.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Alien On The Earth. #2

Aku rasa kau pun perasan kan (bukan maksud aku "kau perasan"), nama-nama album yang macam biasa dilihat di facebook.

Aku senaraikan yang paling selalu aku tengok.

  • New York Baby; tak semestinya New York, boleh jadi tempat lain, tapi tu yang aku selalu lihatlah, tapi aku hairan juga, kenapa mesti "Baby", aku rasa tak ada pun "Sungai Padas Baby" ataupun "Pulau Baby Besar", bila mereka lawat tempat-tempat menarik di Malaysia.
  • The Good Old Days; kadang-kadang ditaip "the good ol' days", untuk menekankan penggunaan "ol'", yang tujuannya adalah untuk menarik minat orang lain untuk melihat, dan kadang-kadang boleh menimbulkan monolog dalaman untuk orang-orang yang mengalami masa lampau yang sukar, "best dia ni."
Yang lain-lain tu mungkin diluar pemerhatian aku, mungkin kau boleh kongsi, atau beri sebab-sebab yang menunjukkan aku salah.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Eau de Toilette. Part 1

click image for clearer picture

Here in this new place called Theophil-Wurm-Haus 35 (direkt translate- Theophil?-Cacing-Rumah 35. sila google untuk informasi tambahan), I face this every time I use the toilet, which I share with my floor mates.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Dunia dan Mereka.

Sempurna, tidak.
Seperti pohon tanpa kayu.

Keruan, tidak.
Seperti dia tanpa kamu.

Dunia, gejolak.
Hidup berjalan berlari laju.

Masa, tersentak.
Hanya untuk dia dan kamu.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

My First Time.

I’ve wrote this story in my previous blog before, which not many of my current readers know about it. I modified the original post, hoping that I will not look like as stupid as before that you’ll say, “no wonder he flunked his English test.” Reading this is not advisable if you are afraid to handle what I’ll be telling you, afraid if I am not as someone you know or want to know, this is as far as you can read, and keep having whatever perception about me. This is how the story goes:

This is a real story about a poor guy. It happened on May 29, 2006. I didn't actually really that close to her, who had made this to me.

That day had surely made me to open my eyes, that there was more than met the eyes on this world. We could also refer my situation as culture shock, when one had never experienced a thing very different and new before. I had never expected this to happen, on that very day.

To make long story short, I got laid. No seriously, I got laid. It happened when I was planning to settle the clearance I had to make before transferring out from the university, at which I, at the moment, studied, as I would further my study somewhere else. I am with a friend, who would too leave the university. Living on the fast lane, I decided to use a motorcycle, borrowed from another friend.

I was quite sure many had experienced this, but for me, it was my first time, where I wasn’t so ready; mentality, as well as physically. I wasn’t ready enough that I couldn’t control my tremble of fear. Try being in my shoes then you’ll make it very clear how I felt.

I thought that maybe she was attracted to me, but she had never told the truth. And she had never approached. Everyday i walked by her: to the class, to everywhere.

How would she be described? She was really hot at day and pretty cold at night. She looked like as she was innocent but the truth was she had been touched by another man and liked to be touched again and again, if you let your guard down. She didn’t want to have any serious commitment. One night stand to be exact, how she liked doing it. Now you were on her then you can walk away. But you can come back later if you felt like it, but only if you were still alive after the previous visit. What was great is that she didn’t mind too, and it was all for free. But once you had her, you’ll be aware next time. Mat-mat rempit however seemed to love it to have her more then once. “Tak pernah serik”, we say. She liked the color black, and most of the time she could be seen in black, which was mysterious and sexy. She liked it wild and rock; she could even tear your shirt.

But the way I was treated, for my first time, was totally unacceptable, and unforgivable. It was quite harsh and hard, and the feeling was never near anything I could wildly imagine of. I had always wished it to be in a normal way; in a way more decent, more gentle, where nobody would see us, with romantic light and melancholic love song, or at least not as hard and harsh as this, not threesome and not in the public.

Imagine how hard it was for me- I was bleeding at the spot near my lips the moment I kissed her. And the blood spread all over the face I thought that he grazed all his face. A few seconds after I kissed her, he felt some sort of strong unknown force hitting my chest. Based on physics, force is equal to the product of mass and gravitational force, or acceleration of one body influenced by the gravity alone that we can call it as free fall (F=mg). I was on top, on the air and gravity had pulled me towards her, with g=9.81m/s². The force was unexplainable. I could barely breathe. Blood was everywhere. My knees shivered in pain. Everything was in a blink of an eye. I thought this was the end. There was no one coming when I tried to reach for help. My first time was not as amazing as claimed by others. As for my friend, he only scratched his left arm, if I was not mistaken.

In my dictionary that I use (Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary 7th Edition), under the word “lay”, it is stated that “some speakers confuse this sense of lay with lie, especially in the present and progressive tenses. However, lay has an object and lie does not, for example: She was lying on the beach, not she was laying on the beach.”

In this case, actually he was lying on her, not he got laid. No wonder I failed my English before, because of this stupid thing I don’t really mind. “She” and “her” I used above, was a road. He had an accident on the way to finish the job.

Doesn’t matter where, as long as it is a road, you have to beware.

Ikat tali pinggang keledar, ingat orang yang tersayang. Walaupun kamu bukan orang yang tersayang bagi orang yang tersayang bagi kamu itu.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Alien On The Earth. #1

Kat sekolah kau mesti banyak kaki-kaki report kan, untuk dapatkan publisiti murahan supaya senang jadi pengawas atau mungkin kerana mereka memang semulajadi lahir penegak keadilan. Bukan mempersoalkan tindakan mereka yang murni kerana kewujudan mereka sememangnya tidak boleh dipandang enteng sebab mereka inilah yang buatkan hidup di sekolah mencabar tapi seronok dan bermakna.

Seronok bila anda dapat meloloskan diri dari cikgu disiplin ketika anda diserbu waktu merokok dalam tandas. Bukan apa, tandaskan ada satu pintu masuk, paling banyak pun dua pintu. Banyak aksi-aksi dipengaruhi adrenalin dapat kau lihat.

Tapi kat sekolah aku dulu, golongan ini dipanggil kaki retort. Sebab baru belajar sainskan masa tu, dan baru tau kaki retort bukanlah simpulan bahasa melayu seperti kaki minum, kaki pukul, jauh sekali kaki tangan kerajaan.

Aku baru saja sampai ke negara penyebab perang waktu dahulu, yang menyebabkan Amerika berkuasa sampai sekarang. Dulu aku selalu dengar orang kata gadis-gadis german tak chantek, tapi setakat ni aku tonton lebih kurang semua macam model je ( walaupun ada sesetengah tu hanya layak jadi model karipap Bedah Piah ), kecualilah yang tua-tua. Tapi, ada tapi lagi, dalam hati masih cuba bernyanyi, siapa bilang gadis melayu tak menawan, tak menarik hati tiada memikat tapi tadi baru sahaja keperawanan mataku dirobek setelah baca benda-benda membodohkan, melalaikan, serta menjolok mata (bukan baca sangat pun kerana gambar lebih menarik) di toko buku di stesen keretapi Konstanz (Konstanz Bahnhof).

Nantilah aku retort yang selebihnya tentang benda-benda best mahupun tak best yang berlaku kat sini, tapi bukan dalam bentuk yang bosan contohnya seperti ketika aku mengalami kesukaran mencebok kerana perlu sentiasa beristinjak atau yang lain-lain yang lebih bosan. Banyak lagi yang berlaku walaupun baru 2 hari aku di sini.

Entah macam mana 5 tahun akan datang. Aku jadi apa, kau ke mana pun tak boleh kita jangka.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Word of Advice.

When I was offered to study in Germany two and a half years ago, grandma had started reminding me, who said malay girls were not gorgeous, not admirable and not adoreable??? (siapa bilang gadis melayu tak menawan, tak menarik hati, tiada memikat).

She actually didn't want me to bring a Matsaleh girl, or worst, a Matsaleh wife home as she claimed communication would be hard for her. She didn't know I had to suffer my two-and-a-half-years preparation program in Malaysia, and needed to work really hard just to step my foot in Germany.

Dad was very good in playing his role to keep his mother more worried about me by telling his imaginative joke, like other villagers will hide to peep in the bush nearby while my Matsaleh wife is jogging with only a tight short and t-shirt on around the village or sunbathing at the nearby beach in her bikini.

And everytime when I went visiting her house in previous two and a half years time, she kept repeating her advice, and dad would add some new absurd points, which I couldn't remember them pretty well, except one when dad asked grandma to sacrifice her backyard to dig up a swimming pool just for her imaginary Matsaleh granddaughter-in-law, so that my wife didn't have to go to beach anymore to sunbath. Then she would become more and more worried.

Now that I'm even more close to Germany, I never tell grandma that deep inside me, eventhough I don't really like Mawi, I sing too. And I believe.

Very Malay at mind, but rebellious at heart.

Friday, January 23, 2009

The Puzzle.

Long enough for your continuous fear,
to long for the hope to be near.

For the joy we feel bad,
for your sorrow we too are sad,
but never to deny our meeting,
never to forget our bonding.

We sure live a life of puzzle,
the puzzle we can never hustle,
cannot hustle to control the fate,
why we meet and we separate.

But the future is of many lanes,
the lanes are of pleasures and pains,
I wish that in the same lane,
that we will meet, again.