My First Time.

I’ve wrote this story in my previous blog before, which not many of my current readers know about it. I modified the original post, hoping that I will not look like as stupid as before that you’ll say, “no wonder he flunked his English test.” Reading this is not advisable if you are afraid to handle what I’ll be telling you, afraid if I am not as someone you know or want to know, this is as far as you can read, and keep having whatever perception about me. This is how the story goes:

This is a real story about a poor guy. It happened on May 29, 2006. I didn't actually really that close to her, who had made this to me.

That day had surely made me to open my eyes, that there was more than met the eyes on this world. We could also refer my situation as culture shock, when one had never experienced a thing very different and new before. I had never expected this to happen, on that very day.

To make long story short, I got laid. No seriously, I got laid. It happened when I was planning to settle the clearance I had to make before transferring out from the university, at which I, at the moment, studied, as I would further my study somewhere else. I am with a friend, who would too leave the university. Living on the fast lane, I decided to use a motorcycle, borrowed from another friend.

I was quite sure many had experienced this, but for me, it was my first time, where I wasn’t so ready; mentality, as well as physically. I wasn’t ready enough that I couldn’t control my tremble of fear. Try being in my shoes then you’ll make it very clear how I felt.

I thought that maybe she was attracted to me, but she had never told the truth. And she had never approached. Everyday i walked by her: to the class, to everywhere.

How would she be described? She was really hot at day and pretty cold at night. She looked like as she was innocent but the truth was she had been touched by another man and liked to be touched again and again, if you let your guard down. She didn’t want to have any serious commitment. One night stand to be exact, how she liked doing it. Now you were on her then you can walk away. But you can come back later if you felt like it, but only if you were still alive after the previous visit. What was great is that she didn’t mind too, and it was all for free. But once you had her, you’ll be aware next time. Mat-mat rempit however seemed to love it to have her more then once. “Tak pernah serik”, we say. She liked the color black, and most of the time she could be seen in black, which was mysterious and sexy. She liked it wild and rock; she could even tear your shirt.

But the way I was treated, for my first time, was totally unacceptable, and unforgivable. It was quite harsh and hard, and the feeling was never near anything I could wildly imagine of. I had always wished it to be in a normal way; in a way more decent, more gentle, where nobody would see us, with romantic light and melancholic love song, or at least not as hard and harsh as this, not threesome and not in the public.

Imagine how hard it was for me- I was bleeding at the spot near my lips the moment I kissed her. And the blood spread all over the face I thought that he grazed all his face. A few seconds after I kissed her, he felt some sort of strong unknown force hitting my chest. Based on physics, force is equal to the product of mass and gravitational force, or acceleration of one body influenced by the gravity alone that we can call it as free fall (F=mg). I was on top, on the air and gravity had pulled me towards her, with g=9.81m/s². The force was unexplainable. I could barely breathe. Blood was everywhere. My knees shivered in pain. Everything was in a blink of an eye. I thought this was the end. There was no one coming when I tried to reach for help. My first time was not as amazing as claimed by others. As for my friend, he only scratched his left arm, if I was not mistaken.

In my dictionary that I use (Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary 7th Edition), under the word “lay”, it is stated that “some speakers confuse this sense of lay with lie, especially in the present and progressive tenses. However, lay has an object and lie does not, for example: She was lying on the beach, not she was laying on the beach.”

In this case, actually he was lying on her, not he got laid. No wonder I failed my English before, because of this stupid thing I don’t really mind. “She” and “her” I used above, was a road. He had an accident on the way to finish the job.

Doesn’t matter where, as long as it is a road, you have to beware.

Ikat tali pinggang keledar, ingat orang yang tersayang. Walaupun kamu bukan orang yang tersayang bagi orang yang tersayang bagi kamu itu.

Alien On The Earth. #1

Kat sekolah kau mesti banyak kaki-kaki report kan, untuk dapatkan publisiti murahan supaya senang jadi pengawas atau mungkin kerana mereka memang semulajadi lahir penegak keadilan. Bukan mempersoalkan tindakan mereka yang murni kerana kewujudan mereka sememangnya tidak boleh dipandang enteng sebab mereka inilah yang buatkan hidup di sekolah mencabar tapi seronok dan bermakna.

Seronok bila anda dapat meloloskan diri dari cikgu disiplin ketika anda diserbu waktu merokok dalam tandas. Bukan apa, tandaskan ada satu pintu masuk, paling banyak pun dua pintu. Banyak aksi-aksi dipengaruhi adrenalin dapat kau lihat.

Tapi kat sekolah aku dulu, golongan ini dipanggil kaki retort. Sebab baru belajar sainskan masa tu, dan baru tau kaki retort bukanlah simpulan bahasa melayu seperti kaki minum, kaki pukul, jauh sekali kaki tangan kerajaan.

Aku baru saja sampai ke negara penyebab perang waktu dahulu, yang menyebabkan Amerika berkuasa sampai sekarang. Dulu aku selalu dengar orang kata gadis-gadis german tak chantek, tapi setakat ni aku tonton lebih kurang semua macam model je ( walaupun ada sesetengah tu hanya layak jadi model karipap Bedah Piah ), kecualilah yang tua-tua. Tapi, ada tapi lagi, dalam hati masih cuba bernyanyi, siapa bilang gadis melayu tak menawan, tak menarik hati tiada memikat tapi tadi baru sahaja keperawanan mataku dirobek setelah baca benda-benda membodohkan, melalaikan, serta menjolok mata (bukan baca sangat pun kerana gambar lebih menarik) di toko buku di stesen keretapi Konstanz (Konstanz Bahnhof).

Nantilah aku retort yang selebihnya tentang benda-benda best mahupun tak best yang berlaku kat sini, tapi bukan dalam bentuk yang bosan contohnya seperti ketika aku mengalami kesukaran mencebok kerana perlu sentiasa beristinjak atau yang lain-lain yang lebih bosan. Banyak lagi yang berlaku walaupun baru 2 hari aku di sini.

Entah macam mana 5 tahun akan datang. Aku jadi apa, kau ke mana pun tak boleh kita jangka.

Word of Advice.

When I was offered to study in Germany two and a half years ago, grandma had started reminding me, who said malay girls were not gorgeous, not admirable and not adoreable??? (siapa bilang gadis melayu tak menawan, tak menarik hati, tiada memikat).

She actually didn't want me to bring a Matsaleh girl, or worst, a Matsaleh wife home as she claimed communication would be hard for her. She didn't know I had to suffer my two-and-a-half-years preparation program in Malaysia, and needed to work really hard just to step my foot in Germany.

Dad was very good in playing his role to keep his mother more worried about me by telling his imaginative joke, like other villagers will hide to peep in the bush nearby while my Matsaleh wife is jogging with only a tight short and t-shirt on around the village or sunbathing at the nearby beach in her bikini.

And everytime when I went visiting her house in previous two and a half years time, she kept repeating her advice, and dad would add some new absurd points, which I couldn't remember them pretty well, except one when dad asked grandma to sacrifice her backyard to dig up a swimming pool just for her imaginary Matsaleh granddaughter-in-law, so that my wife didn't have to go to beach anymore to sunbath. Then she would become more and more worried.

Now that I'm even more close to Germany, I never tell grandma that deep inside me, eventhough I don't really like Mawi, I sing too. And I believe.

Very Malay at mind, but rebellious at heart.

The Puzzle.

Long enough for your continuous fear,
to long for the hope to be near.

For the joy we feel bad,
for your sorrow we too are sad,
but never to deny our meeting,
never to forget our bonding.

We sure live a life of puzzle,
the puzzle we can never hustle,
cannot hustle to control the fate,
why we meet and we separate.

But the future is of many lanes,
the lanes are of pleasures and pains,
I wish that in the same lane,
that we will meet, again.